HOW

Very early in my recovery I learned the acronym, H.O.W. it stands for Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness. Recovery is living a happy, prosperous, clean and sober life. Utilizing the tools of recovery like the Twelve Steps, Power of Positive Thinking, the Law of Attraction, Life’s One Law as well as others is the key to attaining a happy and prosperous life. A Recovered Life!

Open-mindedness and Willingness are crucial aspects of the recovery process. When people arrive at a recovery center they arrive with a history. Sometimes it is their first encounter in a drug and alcohol rehab program and sometimes it is their fourth, fifth or more attempts. Therefore it is imperative for a facilitator to make a strong case for H.O.W.

Breaking the habit of deciding the outcome of any suggestion prior to condemnation is strongly suggested. People are conditioned to think “No” right out of the box. So how does one stay open to the suggestions? It starts with developing the habit of asking different questions. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests “Restraint of Tongue and Pen”. I remember attending a fire prevention class with my son Liam. The fireman taught the children to “Stop, Drop and Roll” if they are caught on fire. Similarly developing the habit to “Stop and Think” before we say “No” takes practice. We must Detox our Thoughts. Toxic thoughts paralyze our potential happiness.

Here are some tips:

• Ask questions that seek the positive for instance:
o Am I limiting myself by not attempting this suggestion?
o Why am I rejecting this suggestion?
o Have I truly given my best shot?
o What is right about this suggestion?
• Use a notepad to weigh out the positives and negatives by writing them down.
• Look at the perspective that maybe you missed something in the past if you have heard the suggestion before.
• Always bounce the idea or suggestion off another informed person.
• Guard your mind watch what goes in to your head. Do not allow negativity to permeate your life.
• Be aware of bitterness. If you have a resentment talk it out. A resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die!
• Decide what you want in life and focus on that.
• Believe that your best days are ahead of you, do not worry about past harms.
• Change your vocabulary:
o Problems = Challenges
o Have to = Want to
o Setback = Opportunity for Comeback

I have learned that we are all different. We all learn, act, react, do, and are different people. As carriers of the message of hope and recovery we cannot lock ourselves into a box that shuts people out. Thomas Edison once said, “There are no rules around here we are trying to get something done”. Adopt this policy into your thinking. Life is a journey; enjoy the journey clean and sober.

The Last Resort Panama, Drug and Alcohol Rehab www.Thelastresortpa.com www.facebook.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/thelastresortpa

Perform or Conform, you be the judge...

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
- Mother Theresa

It has been over two years now that we lost our cousin Joey he was 46 years old and passed on from a massive heart attack. Recently a childhood friend Jimmy died in the same manner. When Joey died it was an absolute shock to me. It made me think about my priorities, challenges, struggles, and direction. I thought to myself in a very different way then ever before, “why would I worry or panic in any situation? I can only do what I can do here and now. The best practice for me is to work as hard as I can, love as much as I can, be the best person today and take everything else as it comes”. Of course I have heard those things said before and I have said them to alleviate the pressure. But now I was saying them with a twist, “today could be my last day on this earth!”

I recognize from a different perspective today that “Life is Good”. Today I live with a true passion to be the Beacon of Hope for people that struggle with addiction. I have a vision to “Shape” 1,000,000 people in 10 years with our “Shaping” method. Recovery is about Life, it is as expressed by Mother Theresa an “Opportunity”!

Often people think of “Rehab” as the beginning of abstinence a way to indoctrinate an afflicted individual into the accepted method of recovery. However it is much more it is the beginning of the journey into a recovered life. It is preparing folks to develop the tools to think and respond correctly. Simply filling people with information, meetings and therapy does not prepare the individual to fulfill their promise.

I know literally thousands of people in recovery and many are missing the boat. If you ask them if they believe in “The Promises” offered in the Twelve Steps they would quickly say yes! Yet spend some time talking with them and you will realize their happiness is surface level. They have “conformed” to the culture of recovery. They have accepted their lot in life. They live one day at a time to a flaw. True happiness, alludes them. They say things like, “my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk!” Yes I get it I understand the thought yet why settle?

There is a paradigm shift that must take place in all of us. That shift must entail Mother Theresa’s Mantra. Regret for our past is a sin. Yes, regret for our past is a sin. It is hurtful and painful. It has no place in the recovered persons thoughts. The twelve steps are designed to eliminate regret so that an individual can live to their potential. Living to your potential takes guts. Living to your potential takes 100% responsibility for your life and your decisions. Conformity is dangerous. Abiding by the law of man is required however conforming to the mediocre mentality of others is dangerous.

The Last Resort Panama, Drug and Alcohol Rehab www.Thelastresortpa.com www.facebook.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/thelastresortpa www.recoveryforum.ning.com

Self Help or Self Improvement?

Is there a difference? There certainly is and it is big. I was in a Network Marketing Company and I heard a speaker at a conference say “This is a self-improvement program with a high compensation outcome!” It was my first exposure to this way of thinking. Honestly, I was immediately attracted to the approach due to my self-help background and profession, social work.

Self-Help is what one would identify with programs like Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous, Double Trouble in Recovery, or Celebrate Recovery to name a few. Self-Help books and self-help programs begin with the premise that there is a dysfunction or challenge with the individual that needs to be fixed. It is an approach from the point of weakness.

Self-Improvement is the approach that is often found in the Business section of your bookstore. It often focuses on the attainment of money. Programs like “The Secret” have catapulted into the homes of millions for the “hope” of one day being “Bill Gates” rich! However, it comes from the position of “Strength”. What is right about the individual and how to make you a better person.

As you can see there are phenomenal benefits of both as well as challenges. So what is the best approach? My opinion is to take the best and leave the rest! Programs like AA work, however, they have created a culture of us vs them. A ridiculous premise that alcoholics are not like the rest of the world is the mantra. They base this idea on a verse of text. “We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.” ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, (The Big Book) p. 30.

It is a dangerous belief system and is taken completely out of context they assume they are different from others. Yes when it comes to the consumption of alcohol or other mind-altering substances we are different. Beyond that, Human Beings are Human Beings. It has been noted that 85% of adults report that they are from dysfunctional families! Yet, the Alcoholic/Addict believes that trait is reserved for them!

Members of AA are often extremely opinionated and protective of their way of life. In fact, I could write a book of “Comments” from all of the negative opinions on my Blogs or any of my friends Blogs when they do not agree with us. The idea of keeping an open mind is reserved for the message from the latest guru speaker on the circuit.

AA works and it works well! However, many people needlessly suffer because they refuse to get out of their own way. They have branded the “Victim” mentality deep within their minds. They focus on fixing what is wrong rather than focus on what is right. The key to happiness is focusing on the positive. Having a purpose, retaining hope and enjoying the Spiritual path we call Life.

The self-improvement movement has serious flaws as well. Capitalization on the state of the economy as well as seize the “greed” emotion of people is prevalent. They say that “Sex” sells, well so does money. More precisely “Getting Rich” building wealth is the goal. It is unfortunate that the message is distorted due to the guidance of the seemingly ill intentioned self-proclaimed experts.

The self-improvement approach works, and it works well. It simply sends the wrong message that life is all about your bank account. There are many self-improvement books, audio sets and professionals that do not subscribe to this marketing approach to their field. The challenge is the message is overlooked due to the prevalence of the wealth accumulation mindset.

Tony Robbins is often tossed into the ring as a “motivational guru”. However, study his teachings and you will uncover methods of empowerment that will baffle you. “Awaken the Giant Within” a weekly listen for me, focuses on Neuro Associative Conditioning, learning how to think and change. The late Earl Nightingale believed to be the “Grand Daddy” of the self-improvement movement carries the message of hope and strength to this day on Audio’s like “The Strangest Secret” and my favorite, “Lead the Field”.

Combine the two approaches and you have the prescription to overcome addiction and live a healthy, happy, prosperous, clean and sober life, which is my definition of “Wealth”. Recovery methods must move into the 21st century.

The Last Resort Panama, Drug and Alcohol Rehab www.Thelastresortpa.com www.facebook.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/tlrpa

Strong at Everything, Weak at Nothing, Rick Osbourne

This is a wonderful piece by my friend, Rick Osbourne of
www.pullyourownweight.net

Enjoy, Dan ☺

Strong at Everything, Weak at Nothing!
Reconciling Self Interest and Altruism

I confess, I want to be strong (i.e. independent, self-reliant, resilient)* at everything and weak at nothing. And furthermore I confess that I’ve never met another human being who wants to be weak at anything. In other words, every person I’ve ever known wants to be strong at everything and weak at nothing. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Physically Strong
In my vocabulary, strong is always good, while weak is always bad, regardless of what you’re talking about. For example, I want to be physically strong in order to run fast and far, jump high (tall buildings in a single bound), move quickly from side to side, climb tall mountains, and to rescue damsels in distress.

Mentally Strong
I also want to be strong mentally. I want to be able to read great literature whether it’s the Bible, the Koran, Shakespeare, Milton, Melville, Whitman, Twain, or Faulkner and understand everything I read. I want to be able to handle numbers like a human computer. And I want to be able to appreciate Beethoven, and Billy Joel, Mozart and Mellencamp, and express myself clearly, concisely, insightfully, and in Technicolor when and if the occasion calls for it. Yes, mental strength is a great virtue in my book.

Spiritually, Socially, Emotionally, and Psychologically Strong
I also want to be spiritually, socially, emotionally, and psychologically strong, and there’s absolutely nothing at which I want to be weak. In this sense I, like all humans want to be Superman, Uberman, or God, who is by definition the alpha and the omega, the top and the bottom, the essence of essences, and obviously strong at everything and weak at nothing.

Exponentially Stronger and Stronger
But alas, as an individual human, my strength has limitations. I’m not Superman, Uberman, or God, and I never expect to be. On the other hand I’ve also discovered that when I help someone else become stronger, I can actually feel my own strength increasing.
In fact when one person is helping another become stronger over time, that relationship is generally considered to be unique. In my experience, most people don’t have many of these kinds of relationships in their lives. And when they do have one it stands out as something special and it’s valued highly by both parties. It’s the essence of a genuine teacher-pupil (coach-player) relationship, and the only reason some people stay in the education field at all.
Furthermore, when I help a number of others become stronger, I find that my own strength increases even more significantly. And when those others go out and help others become stronger, my strength increases exponentially. In the midst of such a multi-level pursuit of strength, the very idea of growing stronger becomes contagious, it rubs off on others, and it spreads like a virus, a spark in a bone dry forest.

From Contagious to Radioactive
When enough people are helping enough other people grow stronger in a variety of ways, the entire atmosphere becomes super charged, super contagious, and it evolves into another stage that I like to describe as “Radioactive.” Yes, when a group moves beyond contagiousness and into Radioactiveness, you’ll see a tipping point, a movement (i.e. civil rights, feminism), a miracle. And in the midst of this kind of miraculous experience you’ll come frighteningly close to knowing yourself and God in the most fully human sense.

*The Relativity of Strength
In this essay we’re using the term strength in a relative sense. That is to say, someone who carries a heavy load needs a lot more strength than someone who carries a light load. For example, there are two people capable of doing 10 pull ups. One of them weighs 200 lbs and the other weighs only 100 lbs. Regardless of the fact that the 200 pound fellow needs twice as much brute strength to perform the same 10 pull ups, their relative strength is exactly the same. And if the bigger guy loses 50 pounds of excess weight, his performance and his relative strength will increase significantly even though his brute strength remains unchanged.

**The Purpose of Strength
The purpose of strength in this essay is to underwrite and insure freedom, independence, self reliance, integrity, and dignity of the individual, to avoid him/her ever becoming a burden on others, and to maximize his/her odds of being able to help others grow stronger week after week, month after month, year after year. And it specifically aims to discourage and to undermine privilege or hierarchy of any kind. This is the kind of strength that a democracy is built on.


The Last Resort Panama, Drug and Alcohol Rehab www.Thelastresortpa.com www.facebook.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/tlrpa

Success Stories; John

This is part three of our series on "real Life Rehab". I met John again not his real name when I was the Executive Director of the Bishop Ryan Resource Center. John was returning home from a 6-year prison term. He was a crack addict and had difficulty telling the truth. Even when it was unnecessary to be untruthful he lied!

Quite honestly I did not think John would recover. But staying true to form I made a pact to never be the judge. To offer the same opportunity to everyone was our commitment. It was not long and John was violated on parole for relapsing on crack cocaine. When he returned to treatment he slowly began to get honest with himself. He began to accept concepts that he rebelled against.

Upon his return to the community he began to focus on what he wanted and not on the short cuts. He put in the footwork and began to get results. After five years of recovery he phoned me in my office. He said, “Dan I want you to know that your patience with me is appreciated. The fact that you never gave up on me and never pushed me away or into your box gave me the strength to push on toward a happy and lasting recovery.” He then informed me that he recently passed his MSW licensing exam amazingly he went on to graduate with honors from Fordham University with his MSW!

Once again, it had little to do with me personally and more to do with his commitment coupled with the “Real Life Rehab” methods. Meeting a person where they are and developing a relationship with them is key to the process. With John it made all the difference in the world.

The Last Resort Panama, Drug and Alcohol Rehab www.Thelastresortpa.com www.facebook.com/thelastresortpa www.myspace.com/thelastresortpa www.recoveryforum.ning.com

Success Stories; Harvey

Let me tell you the story of Harvey, not his real name. At the time I was working for Suffolk County on a Joint Project with the New York State Office of Mental Health and Hands Across Long Island.

Our project was a music program with instructors to teach primarily dual diagnosed folks how to play an instrument or to improve their skills. The goal of the program however had nothing to do with music instruction. The goals were engagement, meeting people in an atmosphere of their interests and strengths, and to promote and facilitate recovery in an atmosphere of fun and enjoyment.

Harvey was a referral by a colleague as a tough case. Harvey was living in an Adult Home a slight step above homelessness. He appeared to have violent tendencies he was scary to say the least. He was 6’ 4” tall and had a shaved head. He wore Army boots and at times fatigues. He carried on his shoulder a huge “Boom Box” and played loud heavy metal music.

When Harvey arrived for his first day at the center he strolled in to the room with this bop that made everyone to stop and look at him. I remember he went straight to the corner of the recreation room where there stood a punching bag. As his music played he slammed his body into the bag. Several people rushed to me to complain. He was breaking the rules! He cannot stay here he is crazy!

I quickly spoke with Harvey outside in private. We had talked before about the program. When we reached a private spot he said, I guess you don’t want me here any longer. He was shocked when I responded quite the opposite. I said, “Harvey, if you were sitting in a room and a big fellow came in playing very loud music and slamming into a punching bag in an angry manner, do you think it is possible you would feel fearful? He responded that he understood my point. I asked him if he was interested in learning how to play an instrument? He said yes he always wanted to play the drums. I brought him to the instructor.

After his first lesson he came to me to thank me for letting him stay. The instructor came to me as well and said, he had never met someone as uncoordinated as Harvey in his life. But Harvey’s enthusiasm far outweighed his limitations!

It was October 1998 and Hands Across Long Island was celebrating their tenth anniversary. The agency had the Eglevsky Ballet perform their version of “Fire and Ice” with a twist! The group of folks from the music group would perform a piece they had written and the Ballet choreographed an act to go along with that number. When the lights went down out walked the 20-piece band dressed in Tuxedo’s among them was Harvey on percussion!

After the show Harvey introduced me to his mother and sister. With tears in their eyes they thanked me for giving them back Harvey. Of course I am keenly aware that I did not give him back. I was simply a conduit for Harvey’s recovery. It is my firm position to take zero credit for any ones success or temporary failure. I take responsibility for me and me only.

The Culture of Treatment, sending the wrong message?

Somewhere along the line of history an attitude of complete equality has emerged in our world. It is certainly understandable when it comes to matters of race, sex, or sexual orientation to name a few. However a culture of “Fairness” has emerged in our world like a plague. Nowhere has it hindered progress as much as it has in the treatment arena.

Success Principle, Treat everyone fairly but not the same. Thomas Edison once said, “There are no rules around here, we are trying to get something done!”

I recently spoke with an upset young lady at our center. She had attended a treatment program recently and relapsed within a week. Her main contention was that the facility she spent $30,000 to attend was not fair. They had rules and they were not adhered to and that is why she relapsed. She went on and on about the issues from fraternization to drinking in program. I listened.

I then asked her, what did someone else drinking have to do with her? Her response started with “well it puts me at risk, it is not safe”. That response reminded me of a Social Worker bitch session at lunch. Not safe? Did the person that drank force alcohol down your throat? “Well no” was the response, “you do not understand, we all signed an agreement that said if you drink you will be kicked out of treatment! They let the guy stay and that is not fair. They are hypocrites!”

Is there credibility in her feelings? Yes, however is there possibly more to it? I spent some time discussing this issue with her. Starting with the idea that recovering is work, it is hard work. It requires some serious focus. It requires making changes, changes in the way we think and the things that we do. Learning techniques that support healthy living as opposed to reactionary living. Using outside distractions to avoid the work is typical. Taking responsibility for recovery is essential.

What if you could learn something about yourself? What if you could find a method that keeps you from doing the same? What can you learn from this? Why is being fair so important to you? Besides a person spraying a machine gun through your group nothing that anyone else does will kill you and if it does not kill you it has the potential to help you grow. This is not a “black and white” issue her response comes from a culture of “musts”. If you do this you WILL drink or drug! There is an alternative to this judgmental thinking.

For instance could recovery be a matter of Discovery? Learning how to handle challenges as they emerge? What if there is another way of looking at things? Is it possible to increase an individuals desire to recover? Does it require black and white strategies? The treatment model employed nationally has serious flaws. Black and white thinking is damaging. Undoubtedly there are benefits however the negatives outweigh the positives. The model has created a culture of failure. It baffles me to hear some of the ideas of how things are or oughta be!

Similar to the pervasive negative attitude of fairness of our world when it comes to treatment it becomes all the more detrimental to the recovery process. It is often the first issue that we must address in our self-directed approach. No two people are the same. Therefore no two paths will be the same. Therefore we treat every one fairly but not the same.

What exactly does that mean? Lets start with an example. In the 1980’s Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman played on the National Basketball Association Championship Team the Chicago Bulls. I remember Dennis Rodman seemed to be a magnet for trouble. In fact I believe he was suspended for being late to a team practice. Now let me ask you, do you think Michael Jordan would have been suspended if he was late for the same practice? For many reasons “No”. Was Dennis Rodman treated fairly?

We are all different we all require different game plans to achieve success. If you are looking to recover from alcoholism or addiction there is help available. If you are looking for fairness to get well, you may have a challenge. Do not allow your self to get trapped into this oppressive way of thinking.

Amazing things happen to people with this approach. Over the next few days I will share with you stories of people that have responded to this recovery modality.